Sunday, March 21, 2010

Life changes

I wrote awhile ago about my brother and my dilemma with him. Last week, I broke down. I could not take it any more. I called my sister and she agreed to take over the "care and feeding" of our brother. I have been responsible since our mother died in 2002.

I was so relieved and I could not believe the happiness I felt. Then came the guilt.

I love my brother but he was sucking the life out of me. Everytime the phone rang and it was him, my whole demeanor changed and I became a different person who I didn't like very much. Think Cruella Divile or Leona Helmsley. Not a pretty picture and not like my normal personality (or at least I would like to think so!)

He called sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. It was exhausting.

My sister and I agreed that I would not talk to him until I felt stronger and more able to deal with his neediness. That is hard. He called last night while we were out and left a message. Just hearing his voice triggered the guilt again.

It is also hard to hand the responsibility over to my "little" sister. I have always protected her and now she is taking that role for me. Very odd.

When God works a miracle on my soul, I will be able to talk to my brother just as his sister and that will be wonderful.

Pray for me.


  1. There are some things or people that you can't always manage on your own. It was time to call out for help. I'm really happy that your little sister was willing to help your brother. Now, it's time for you to take a step back for a bit and not be involved in the things that your brother is doing or has done or needs. This may be what he needs as well...a chance to see that although you love him, you can't keep rescuing him. It's called tough love but remember, you're doing it for love and also for your own health and care too.

    Hugs to you because I know how much you do care about him but this is a good thing so don't allow the guilt to get you.

  2. I felt that same way when you "set me free" from the Quilt Show. Not as extreme as what you're feeling, I'm sure, but I can relate. I'm glad you're going to get a break. And God will take care of healing you and your relationship with your brother. Eventually you'll be able to see this for the good decision it is, without any guilt.

  3. Hello Suz, thank you for your kind words and clock question. Write to me at and I'll let you know details.
    Sending thoughts and warm spring wishes your way

  4. Don't be so hard on yourself, Susan. Caring for a troubled sibling is hard work, and you've been doing it for years. You need a break, too.

    I will pray for you!!!

    And we need to get together soon.