I wrote awhile ago about my brother and my dilemma with him. Last week, I broke down. I could not take it any more. I called my sister and she agreed to take over the "care and feeding" of our brother. I have been responsible since our mother died in 2002.
I was so relieved and I could not believe the happiness I felt. Then came the guilt.
I love my brother but he was sucking the life out of me. Everytime the phone rang and it was him, my whole demeanor changed and I became a different person who I didn't like very much. Think Cruella Divile or Leona Helmsley. Not a pretty picture and not like my normal personality (or at least I would like to think so!)
He called sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. It was exhausting.
My sister and I agreed that I would not talk to him until I felt stronger and more able to deal with his neediness. That is hard. He called last night while we were out and left a message. Just hearing his voice triggered the guilt again.
It is also hard to hand the responsibility over to my "little" sister. I have always protected her and now she is taking that role for me. Very odd.
When God works a miracle on my soul, I will be able to talk to my brother just as his sister and that will be wonderful.
Pray for me.