Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Goal

As I said in my last blog (not the blank one caused by a fingernail!), my nephew is getting married in November and I have a goal.

There is a particular dress that I want to wear to the wedding and I don't fit into it right now. Bummer!

I weighed 115 in High School and I weigh 146 today. It snuck up on me gradually and until I began not being able to get into some of my clothes, I didn't think much about it. I do a good job a camouflaging my middle aged tummy with my choice of clothes.

I cannot diet. As soon as I say the word "diet", I immediately want to eat everything that isn't nailed down. I know it's all in my head but it is soon all on my waist.

So this time, I am just concentrating on portions and stopping eating when I am satisfied not full. To date, if something tastes good, it's hard to no eat it all.

We'll see how this works. Today was my first day and so far so good.

If I get into the dress, I will be sure to post a photo. If I don't get into the dress, I will post a photo of someone else!

Wish me luck.

Friday, August 27, 2010

A New Beginning

My youngest nephew is getting married! I am so excited. He is 32 years old.

He has waited a long time for the right girl. He has had two serious relationships, one of which was an engagement. But they both ended in heart break. He is such a caring person that he always chose women who needed help. They had emotional problems, faith problems, you name it. What he learned was that you can't "fix" another person. Only God can do that.

He had begun to think that God expected him to remain single like Paul. But then, along came Laura. A pretty, smart, christian girl and that all changed. They are such a perfect couple. They both have a heart for youth ministry. They both love the mountains of Colorado. They love to have fun - white water rafting, horseback riding, just goofing around. It is fun to see them together.

They are getting married in Estes Park, Colorado on November 8th. The place they have chosen in spectacular. I hope the weather cooperates so that we can get there from Nebraska.

My nephew wrote to me about how much they are looking forward to their live together. Especially being physically intimate. They have both waited and are so glad. I expect to see great-nephews and nieces very soon.

The whole idea of his happiness and his new life fill me with joy and I am just his Aunt. I can't imagine how his Mom must feel.

God is so good. But it is all in His timing not ours. We are often impatient and try to take things in to our own hands but when we wait on God wonderful things happen.

That is something I need to remind myself often.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Summer to Fall

Normally, this is one of my favorite times of the year. The days are not as humid, the nights are cool enough to have the windows open and there is a change in the air. It's exciting and invigorating.

But this Fall, I am dealing with a brother who is dying thousands of miles away and I can not help. You see, I am one who likes to be in control. If you are in control, nothing will go wrong. If you are in control, things will happen the way you want them to. Apparently, when you are in control you are also delusional!

God has been trying to teach me in various ways that I am NOT in control, even a little, and that all things will happen the way He wants them to. Boy, is that hard.

When God is in control and I don't try to "help", there is a peace and a feeling of joy that is hard to explain. I am trying to be at peace with my brother's situation. I am dealing with his son who is not doing well with this and that is very stressful. There is a part of me that still tries to "organize" things - I guess that's trying to control, isn't it?

I am trying to sell his furniture from a distance and make final arrangements. Not easy. He moved from Nebraska when he was 12 and he was always drawn back here. I am bringing him back here to put him beside our parents. The hardest part is yet to come.

In my mind's eye, my brother is 18 or 19 and we are all still living at home. It's hard to imagine him as old and ill. One's mind is a mysterious thing.

Well, please continue to pray for me. The next few weeks will be difficult and I do appreciate your love and support.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I wish I could write every day. I don't though.

It just seems like life gets in the way- work cooking, eating, sleeping, laundry, watching TV, dealing with my brother's situation (yesterday's blog) and much more.

I know it's all an excuse. I just do not always have the energy to share. I feel sucked dry right now.

Today I wait for a call from the Hospice nurse after she has done her evaluation of my brother. He is now moved and planted in the Care Home. I pray that that is what it will be - a place that will care for him.

Now we have to clean out his apartment, close his accounts and erase all memories of the life he had for over 20 years in that place. I find it incredibly sad. It is so hard to do from 2000 miles away.

I wish he were a Christian. It would make the whole process so much easier. He would have hope and heaven to look forward to.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

I plan to go visit in the next few weeks. Not sure when.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Am I My Brother's Keeper - yes

My brother, who I have written about before, is not doing well. he is currently in the hospital and will be moved to a nursing home soon.

It is quite apparent that he can no longer take care of himself. The Hepitis C that is destroying his liver is not only effecting him physically but mentally. I am sad.

I talked with him tonight and he sounded like a drunk. He slurred his words and much of the time did not make mush sense. But he understood that I love him and have his best interests at heart.

The doctor says he may have a year to live. If he goes to a place where he will be taken care of, that is a possibility.

It's amazing the things we do to ourselves with no thought of the long term consequences. We drink too much, we smoke, we lie out in the sun to get tan, we drive too fast. In his case, add in drug use and you have the whole cocktail that made his liver fail. I don't know that it would have changed his decisions if he had known he would only live to be 69. Probably not. At 20 years old, that seems like a long way away.

As much as he has driven me crazy at times over the past few years, the thought of not having him around at all is difficult. You kind of expect your siblings to live a long time and keep you company in your old age. This is not going to happen with my brother. I cry.

I pray for him. I pray for me.

This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with.