Normally, this is one of my favorite times of the year. The days are not as humid, the nights are cool enough to have the windows open and there is a change in the air. It's exciting and invigorating.
But this Fall, I am dealing with a brother who is dying thousands of miles away and I can not help. You see, I am one who likes to be in control. If you are in control, nothing will go wrong. If you are in control, things will happen the way you want them to. Apparently, when you are in control you are also delusional!
God has been trying to teach me in various ways that I am NOT in control, even a little, and that all things will happen the way He wants them to. Boy, is that hard.
When God is in control and I don't try to "help", there is a peace and a feeling of joy that is hard to explain. I am trying to be at peace with my brother's situation. I am dealing with his son who is not doing well with this and that is very stressful. There is a part of me that still tries to "organize" things - I guess that's trying to control, isn't it?
I am trying to sell his furniture from a distance and make final arrangements. Not easy. He moved from Nebraska when he was 12 and he was always drawn back here. I am bringing him back here to put him beside our parents. The hardest part is yet to come.
In my mind's eye, my brother is 18 or 19 and we are all still living at home. It's hard to imagine him as old and ill. One's mind is a mysterious thing.
Well, please continue to pray for me. The next few weeks will be difficult and I do appreciate your love and support.