Life changes

I wrote awhile ago about my brother and my dilemma with him. Last week, I broke down. I could not take it any more. I called my sister and she agreed to take over the "care and feeding" of our brother. I have been responsible since our mother died in 2002.

I was so relieved and I could not believe the happiness I felt. Then came the guilt.

I love my brother but he was sucking the life out of me. Everytime the phone rang and it was him, my whole demeanor changed and I became a different person who I didn't like very much. Think Cruella Divile or Leona Helmsley. Not a pretty picture and not like my normal personality (or at least I would like to think so!)

He called sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. It was exhausting.

My sister and I agreed that I would not talk to him until I felt stronger and more able to deal with his neediness. That is hard. He called last night while we were out and left a message. Just hearing his voice triggered the guilt again.

It is also hard to hand the responsibility over to my "little" sister. I have always protected her and now she is taking that role for me. Very odd.

When God works a miracle on my soul, I will be able to talk to my brother just as his sister and that will be wonderful.

Pray for me.

Stop the World I want to get off

That was the title of a movie in the 70s. I don't remember what it was about but the title somehow fits my life right now.

Currently:

I am applying for a home equity loan to pay off some credit card debt. We are trying to be debt free by the time we retire and this will make it happen. The bank needs so much information but I am close to being ready to submit the application this next week.

I am tring to get papers together to take to my accountant to get my taxes done. It used to be so simple. When did it get so complicated?

I am in charge of publicity for a Quilt Show at our church. I don't know how I volunteered for that. Sometimes I speak before I think. anyway, I sent out 13 emails and 7 mailings on Thursday night. I have 26 quilt shops in Nebraska to contact and send brochures to. Then I will hit the fabric stores, hotels and chamber of commerce here in town.

I am part of a Women's Conference in May and wrote the first draft of my talk last night.

I am the Moderator of my church which is like head of the Deacon board. I have an All Church Meeting coming up in 2 weeks and I set up the agenda last night and sent some By Law language to my board to review.

This morning I am going to a brunch with a group of PEOs. This should be fun but it is just another thing to do. I will leave at 8:30 and be back home about noon. Then the lady who is planning the Quilt Show will come over at 1:00pm to help with the publicity.

Oh, I need to run and get in the shower so I am ready when they pick me up.

Did I mention that I also work full time? My job is OK but not something that I wake up and face with excitement. I am counting the days until I can retire. Let me see that would be 3,102 days to be exact.

Oh yes, I almost forgot, I teach Sunday School, sing on the Praise Team almost every week and handle my brother's finances.

In June, I plan to say no to everything and run away.

Teach my your ways, O Lord

I have a daily "Inspiration and Motivation" book that I keep at my desk.

The other morning after a particularly difficult meeting, I was reading that days bit of wisdom.

It made me laugh and it made me think. It said:

"Lord, help me get along with the difficult people in my life...especially those who are probably praying this prayer about me right now!"

It made me realize that, to others, I may be the difficult person in their lives. I don't think that makes a very good witness for Christ. I need to do better about seeing the other person's perspective and thinking before I speak. These are not my gifts.

I can be stubborn, hard headed and opinionated. And back East, where I grew up, that was OK. But in the Midwest, it is not.

I will remember my little prayer above and do better in the days and weeks ahead. How about you?