The Enemy

Isn't it interesting that after my Blog about Joy that I would hit an incredible low last night? Like most people, I would like to assume that everyone likes me but,sadly, that isn't true. I am dealing with that now in a very pubic forum, the church. Even in churches, emotions run high. As Christians, we are not exempt from anger, pettiness, pride, gossip, hurt feelings, and all other human feelings. We pretend we are above those things but we are not.

I know it's trite but if we thought, what would Jesus do and then actually did it, many relationship problems in the church might be avoided. We think WWJD but then we exercise our God given free will and that can lead to mistakes.

My heart was sick at the thought that I had engendered such anger in another person. I am still feeling a bit like I had been punched in the stomach.

I have been told that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. But sometimes, I think he over estimates my strength.

After speaking with my Pastor and being reassured that I would survive and being prayed for, I did felt better. It didn't solve the problem but I could view it more objectively.

I know that God will give me strength and the right words to do what I have to do and he IS in charge after all. And most amazing is that I will feel JOY through the whole thing.

Joy!

I have 2 friends named Joy. It's a great name. I think of them every time we sing "Joy to the World" or "I've Got that Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy down in my heart." I wonder what it is like being named for an emotion or a feeling. You get to hear your name spoken in a number of contexts. But I digress...

Joy is an unexplainable feeling. It is not happiness because it does not depend on a circumstance or event to be felt. I feel joy in the most unusual times. Sometimes just driving down the road, I will be filled with inexplicable joy. I can feel joy at the same time I feel sadness. I know that doesn't make much sense but it's true.

Joy swells my heart like an inflating balloon. It is a wonderful feeling. If you ever watch a small child giggle, and dance, and sparkle with the joy of just being alive, that is how I feel. I wish everyone could experience that joy sometime in his or her life.

I believe Joy comes from God. Knowing Jesus puts joy in your heart. I know it has worked that way for me. We are told to "rejoice in all circumstances" and it works. It makes sadness not so sad. It makes despair not so desperate. It makes problems easier to solve. It makes life so good.

Marriage

You may wonder at the name of the website - woman at the well. Those of you who are familiar with the Bible will know the incident where Jesus meets a Samaritan woman at a well and asks for a drink of water. She has been married many times and is shunned by the community. But Jesus not only talks to her, he also knows all about her and loves her anyway.

Well, I identify with her in several ways.

When I first started attending the Church I currently attend, I was careful to keep my little secret just that. I felt that if people knew, I would be judged harshly. So I told no one. After a couple of years, a lady who was the head of our dramas, asked me to play a part for Easter. She asked me to play the woman at the well. I was amazed. God has a way of putting you on the spot sometimes. It was a soliloquy and I memorized the part with great difficulty. I think I gave a pretty good performance. The point is that it spoke to my heart and my secret.

Counting my current husband, I have been married 4 times. The first was less than 2 years, the next was about 4 years and the third was 8 years. I am now married for 14 1/2 years and this is the final one. Divorce is not an option.

I have learned a lot over the years. One is that everyone sins and falls short of the glory of God. That my mistakes do not effect how God loves me or who I am as a person.

I also learned that marriage is not a give and take relationship, it is a give and give relationship. The more I give to satisfy the needs of my husband, the happier I am. And the more he gives back. Marriage or any relationship is not successful if you are selfish. I witness that many people treat strangers better than they treat their spouses. Most people would not yell at or degrade a friend or stranger but they do it to their spouse. Odd!

I am not proud of my many marriages but it is not something I hide like a dirty secret anymore. It has made me who I am today. I have learned from each one and have taken those lessons into my current marriage to make it better and stronger.

That drama skit year ago made me realize that even though Jesus may not be happy with the things that I do, he does forgive me. And that's all that matters.

Friendship

Friendship is an ever changing landscape. Friends come and go. I don't like that. I want friends who stay forever until we are both old and grey. I had friends in High School that I don't even know where they are anymore. I do keep in spotty touch with 1 or 2. I had friends in College and only keep in random touch with one who was my roommate for 2 years.

Finding a friend is exciting. You spend time together, you talk about everything, you laugh, you cry, you share. Having a friend fade from your life is sad and painful and inexplicable. I always wonder if it was something I said or did but I know it is not. It's the ebb and flow of life.

Friends are necessary. Even if you are happily married, which I am. A woman still needs friends.

I know that God puts people in our lives at certain times to help us along our journey or in order to help others along on their journey. When a friend stops calling or wanting to get together, I assume my journey with her is done. I don't often know, at the time, what God had in mind for that friendship but if given enough time and space, I assume I will figure it out.

I have two friends that I have known for 13 years and 18 years respectively. I could not imagine my life without Sharon and Amy. Sharon is my age and can relate to tales of hot flashes and wrinkles. We laugh a lot. Amy is over 20 years younger than I am and keeps me informed on the world of Moms and children and life of the 30 somethings. She makes me forget my age. I thank God for both of them.

I have many friends that are casual friends whose lives I do not share in but I enjoy them, too. It's like concentric circles. There is an inner circle of close friends, then layers of friends with whom you are less close until the layers become only aquaintances.

Friendship is an ever changing landscape and it can be beautiful.