Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Still trying to figure it out

My job situation has changed, as some of you may know, and my hours have been reduced from 40 t0 24. That is quite a change.

I had mused to my husband that maybe God was trying to teach us to be frugal, to prepare us for retirement, to make us depend on Him more.

That all sounded good at the time. Logical, spiritual, calm.

Last night, or rather, this morning, I woke up at 4:30am and had a melt down. Anxiety overwhelmed me. Logical, spiritual and calm flew out the window. I worried and prayed until 5:30 and I finally got up. I worried about paying our bills, would we lose the house, can we afford our prescriptions, all of that. I prayed for God to help my unbelief, to give me strength, to depend on Him and truly believe that He will take care of us. My prayers felt empty and desperate. I wasn't sure God was listening. I could understand if he was not listening. I was not sounding very trusting of Him.

My husband got up later and heard the whole story. It helped to tell him my concerns. Together we talked about what we could do to cut costs without having to give up our home or give up eating (which I am very fond of!) God showed us several things and I felt at peace.

He will take care of us. I know he will. That's not to say I won't have periodic melt-downs and doubts but we will get through it.


  1. Suz, I totally know where you are at right now because I am there too. I try so hard not to panic or allow the what if's to keep me awake at night. I'm reading a book that I'm supposed to be reviewing but honestly, I'm reading it the second time because it is that good! It's called Jesus Career Counselor by Laurie Beth Jones. She offers some really great spiritual insight and ideas for keeping calm in the midst of storms.

    I'm glad that your husband is understanding so that you can also lean on him.

  2. Oh how I know that feeling! I find myself saying out loud, "Jesus, you just have to take this. I can't handle it." And He does. And then, five minutes later, I have to say it again. ;)

  3. I think you'll be amazed at the new opportunities headed your way in those new "extra" hours, also. I'm sure such a big change will feel very strange and, like Deidra said, just keep asking Him to handle it. I'm so glad He's listening even when we don't feel like He is.