My job situation has changed, as some of you may know, and my hours have been reduced from 40 t0 24. That is quite a change.
I had mused to my husband that maybe God was trying to teach us to be frugal, to prepare us for retirement, to make us depend on Him more.
That all sounded good at the time. Logical, spiritual, calm.
Last night, or rather, this morning, I woke up at 4:30am and had a melt down. Anxiety overwhelmed me. Logical, spiritual and calm flew out the window. I worried and prayed until 5:30 and I finally got up. I worried about paying our bills, would we lose the house, can we afford our prescriptions, all of that. I prayed for God to help my unbelief, to give me strength, to depend on Him and truly believe that He will take care of us. My prayers felt empty and desperate. I wasn't sure God was listening. I could understand if he was not listening. I was not sounding very trusting of Him.
My husband got up later and heard the whole story. It helped to tell him my concerns. Together we talked about what we could do to cut costs without having to give up our home or give up eating (which I am very fond of!) God showed us several things and I felt at peace.
He will take care of us. I know he will. That's not to say I won't have periodic melt-downs and doubts but we will get through it.